December 11, 2008

OK, so I may have neglected this for a wee while. About two months in fact. Sorry. Truth is, I’m really struggling with Chipz. I’ve written the Christmas stuff before, and the things I’d really like to tell you about I just can’t. For legal reasons. No, I haven’t been charged with any of the crimes that awful shit Napoleon accuses me of…it’s young Kev.

Thank the sweet baby Jesus Himself that Kev joined the class. You know what? The kid’s a gem. He’s the loveliest little chap you could ever meet, and now that he’s (on the whole) stopped swearing (calling someone ‘a fucker’ is his fave) and settled in he’s actually really pepped up my class. I could write a fucking essay on the kid and the ins and outs of his crazy life but I just can’t, unless I change everything and then it would just be a load of made-up bollocks and not the story I’d like to share with you.

Domestic violence, mental illness, the police coming to visit us at school…it’s all go, go, go you know. Anyway, he’s very happy at school and I’m trying very hard not to get too attached because fuck knows how long he’ll be with us as he could go for any number of reasons. I’ll be very sad if he does though. As a teacher I’m supposed to let him occupy the same amount of my brain space as the other twenty-odd children in my class, it’s difficult though.

Sorry this is short, I’m trying to think of a way to get this heap of shit kick-started again. Lost my motivation a bit…it’s been a serious half term in the academic world of Mr Chipz.

Oh, on a lighter note; I was playing a phonics game with my children yesterday. The idea was that the interactive whiteboard shows a word which is either real or made up. The children, using their phonic skills sort them into the right place. The words feature a grapheme (in this case ‘qu’). Hence they were seeing words such as ‘queen’, ‘quick’, ‘equif’, ‘quack’, ‘quock’ etc. As you can see, some are real and some aren’t. The words are generated at random by the computer program. Anyway, it seems that some hilarious (well it made me chortle inside) person had been at it because it kept hitting us with the word ‘quim’. It’s great hearing a class of six year olds earnestly discussing whether ‘quim’ is a real word. Thankfully the correct answer was ‘no’ or I would have been fucked trying to explain it.

“Quim? Oh, it’s an old fashioned word for a cunt, children.”


5 Responses to “Sorry”

  1. Molipola said

    Good to have you back. If even you can’t make light of what’s been going on, it’s got to have been bad. So, I won’t complain, I spose.

  2. Mr Chipz said

    Maybe I’ve made it a bit melodramatic… Yes, bad stuff is happening in Kev’s life but no worse than what thousands of other kids are going through. Just can’t say much about him because I don’t want to run the (small) risk of someone recognising who I’m talking about. And there’s no point changing the details like I do with other children (like Timmy last year)…as the whole ‘interesting’ thing about Kev is the crazy shit Kev goes through, I can’t really think of comparative situations to make up.

  3. Napoleon said

    Dear Mr. Chipz

    Last night my four year old asked me what a condom was. “Well, son,” says I, “it’s what I put on the end of my cock when I’m going to fuck your mother.” I then thrashed him to within an inch of his life and locked him in the downstairs cupboard. The little bastard.

    All the best!

    Yours sincerely,

    Titus Flagellent

  4. Sleepy Gonzalez said

    some white people moved into my neighbourhood last week. At first I was worried that their baking and neat haircuts would bring the property value down.

    Turns out that my concerns were unnecessary.

    Anyway, just pump out a few more episodes of Rimbauer and we will forget this ever happened

  5. MrDodo said


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