Green Eggs and Ham

 I do not like them in a box.

I do not like them with a fox.

I do not like them in a house.

I do not like them with a mouse.

I do not like them here or there.

I do not like them anywhere.

I do not like green eggs and ham.

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Sam-I-am’s inviting smile slipped from his face to be replaced by an ugly grimace.

“Do not like them? Do not like them?” Nobody, nobody had ever refused his eggs before. The Cat in the Hat turned on his stool and blinked, uncomprehending, at the refusal. The hairy Seuss creature gulped. He’d been here before, he’d seen what could happen when people, and indeed animals, upset Sam-I-am.

He bolted for the door, his chair crashing to the floor as he scrambled for safety.

The Cat in the Hat moved to quickly for him and slammed the door closed, crushing two of the creature’s fingers. He collapsed to the floor in agony, a feral howl escaping from his anguished lips.

“I said, do you like green eggs and ham?” Sam-I-am spoke quietly, his tone was gentle and kind but his eyes burned with untold menace.

“Would you like them here or there?”

“I…I would not like them anywhere” the creature tried to meet Sam-I-am’s eyes, tried to show he was not afraid.

Sam-I-am’s face twitched. Behind him the Cat in the Hat let out a sinister cackle.

“Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse?”

“P…please Sam-I-am, really, I don’t like them” the creature’s eyes were darting around the room, looking for some means of escape.

“I said would you like them with a fucking mouse!” Sam-I-am screamed, flecks of spittle caught on his whiskered face.

The creature tried to rise but the Cat in the Hat stamped hard on the side of his knee. There was a sickening crunch and the creature howled in pain and collapsed to the floor again.

Sam-I-am took a deep breath and tried to steady himself.

“I’ll say this one more time bitch. Would you? Could you? In a car? Eat them! Eat them! Here they are!” with that Sam-I-am unzipped his trousers and popped out one of his eggs. The creature gagged, he was right…it was green.

“Hold him Cat!” ordered Sam-I-am. The Cat in the Hat advanced, gibbering insanely and rubbing his engorged member.

“Please! God no!” screamed the creature, as white gloved hands with superhuman strength pinned him onto his front. Pain seared through him like a red hot poker…