Concern

With only a term to go the following things are concerning me:

  • 1) Why does Trey think that “one more than 49″ is 18?
  • 2) Why can’t Summer even formulate an answer to the same question?
  • 3) Why, when asked any question, any question at all, from a maths question to an inquiry about the whereabouts of his coat does Timmy just blink and go silent? If he were the fruit of my own loins I must admit I would smack his legs just to see if he’d wake up. This sounds horrific and barbaric I’m sure but you try spending just one fucking day with him and see how you feel!
  • 4) Why has the little boy who started off the year as the nicest boy in the class become a lying, thieving, spiteful little bastard? Actually I know why and social services are involved with the ‘family’. Still, it concerns me.
  • 5) Why do whiteboard pens for the kids only last one day?
  • 6) How is it that six and seven year olds can lose their sweatshirts at such a rate? They just vanish into thin air.
  • 7) Why are parents of six and seven year olds incapable of writing their child’s name on the label of their sweatshirts?
  • 8 ) What perverse law of nature is that makes sure that your special needs child with behavioural problems settles down and becomes a model of decency in time to coincide with all the other boys becoming very unpleasant for the week?
  • 9) Why are the three women who constantly badger me with worries that their children aren’t improving academically the ones who are being hounded by the Educational Welfare Officer for not bringing their children to school very often? What the fuck is wrong with these people?
  • 10) Where the fuck are all the pencil sharpeners?
  • 11) Who is the thief in my class? Raffles? I can’t fathom who it is at all.
  • 12) Why is it that one teacher and one classroom assistant can oversee outside play with no dramas or rioting, but with six midday supervisors it sounds like a riot in Borstal?
  • 13) Most of my class have made real progress across the board this year. Why then does this not give me joy, when the lack of progress of just a couple (with a bad track record of making much progress) make me sick with worry?
  • 14) Why do a small number of mums from my class think that it’s appropriate to threaten to beat the shit out of each other when their six year old sons have a playground spat?
  • 15) Where is Wally? I can’t find the bastard on any page.
  • 16) Why, after a year and a half of doing assemblies at our school does the vicar still insist on picking the school lunatics or very young children to answer her questions? You’d think that she’d have learnt not to destroy her own assembly that way by now.
  • 17) Why do I have a hundredweight of gluesticks but no decent coloured paper to stick?
  • 18 ) What the fuck is that smell? I’m sure it’s Timmy. Christ, what does that woman feed him?!
  • 19) Who is it who stinks out the staff toilet by the office? I know it must be a woman and this disturbs me for some reason.
  • 20) Why does James have no volume control? I think I need to ask his mum to take him for a hearing test. Surely he’s deaf.
Published in: on May 1, 2008 at 9:16 am

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  1. On May 6, 2008 at 1:14 pm Napoleon Said:

    1. Because he’s an imbecile who needs stringing up.
    2. Because she’s being abused by her dirty uncle Barry.
    3. Because he’s being abused by the aforementioned Barry when Barry fancies a change from abusing Summer.
    4. On Barry’s days off from abusing Timmy and Summer, he’s abusing this boy. Barry’s a busy man.
    5. They are sniffed by the children.
    6. They are being stolen by Barry. He likes wiping his jism on children’s dirty sweatshirts.
    7. Because they’re too busy setting up meetings between their children and super-paedo Barry.
    8. This child is a reject of the devil. Spud-kids have no place in real schools. They should be chained to walls in lunatic asylums, and beaten with rubber batons.
    9. There are not enough hours in the day when Barry comes visiting.
    10. Up the spud-kid’s nose.
    11. The spud-kid. When in doubt, blame the spastic.
    12. The sud-kid farts when there’s a big crowd. Handicapped people are renowned for their appalling farts. They lead to madness in others.
    13. Because you’ll only be happy when you see the girls nude and the boys horsewhipped. You’re a vile, perverted monster - like ALL teachers.
    14. Because they’re evil scratters who should be chained to walls.
    15. He’s there, look. Just in front of the Ferris wheel.
    16. A woman? A woman vicar? What sort of topsy-turvy world are we living in? Eh?
    17. I would look up that handicapped child’s nose if I were you. Then I’d use a high-pressure hose to fire him against the wall.
    18. Egg and onion sandwiches and cans of Down Boy! dog food.
    19. There’s a dead kid under the floorboards.
    20. James is probably spasticated. I advise you send him off to a lab for experiments.

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