What I’ve been up to while you work.

These are things what I dun this holiday so far:

• 1) No planning yet.
• 2) Bought a camera.
• 3) And a hoodie. A sweatshirt, not a spotty youth.
• 4) Gone to the pub with my mate down the road four times. Or maybe five.
• 5) Eaten a curry in a curry house. Which upset my girlfriend because of some unfathomable female reason which she was unable to explain because she knows, yes knows she’s prey to them hormones which upset the ladies for no fucking reason.
• 6) Eaten out far too many times.
• 7) Got drunk almost every day. Thanks workers, keep paying them taxes. Thirteen weeks of holiday is a long time to fill.
• 8 ) Argued with stupid fucking sanctimonious teachers on the TES website. Honestly, most teachers are cunts. I’m not.
• 9) Said “I knew that would happen” during every new report on the Shannon Matthews case.
• 10) Watched Thirty Days of Nights. It was ok.
• 11) Self abused.
• 12) Gone on a dirty weekend to a picture postcard village in the south of England with my girlfriend. It was great. Two hours sleep. Two hours!
• 13) Tried to figure out my finances. Can’t handle it.
• 14) Failed to see my brother and his family up north. Again.
• 15) Half-heartedly mopped the kitchen floor.
• 16) Taken some rubbish out for the bin men. Some. Couldn’t be arsed with the rest and I think that was a mistake.
• 17) Upset someone by lazily calling them a scab when they gave an impassioned speech on why they were choosing not to strike. I enjoyed it. Well it’s true, fucking scab bitch.
• 1 Sent a card to my cousin what’s had a baby. Should’ve called really but I’m really bad at calling my family.
• 19) Got through half of book called Blood Meridian by that bloke what wrote that film that got rave reviews, There’s No Country for the Older Men or something like that. It is a good book but honestly, the writer wouldn’t even get a Level 3 for his punctuation, he can only do full stops and the occasional comma. No speech marks! Honestly, you’d think he would’ve got someone to point that out to him. Maybe the foreigns can’t do punctuation.
• 20) Neglected Chipz, mainly because every time I’ve sat in front of the computer I’ve just ended up calling other teachers cunts on the TES site.

Anyway, that’s been my exciting week. Now I’m preparing to go down to the countryside and visit my parents. It has to be done occasionally. I’d rather just continue my debauch here but you know, they like me to visit. Not sure why sometimes, I seem to make them worried about so many things. You’d think they’d have learnt not to ask me about various aspects of my life so far, but hey ho.

Keep the red flag flying, comrades.