Hell women.

As I’ve said before, most of the parents of the kids in my class are fine. But as any teacher knows, there’s always a cluster of women who, frankly, are a pain in the arse. In my class there’s about five of them, and while they’re not the really bad kind (the ones who turn up drunk and try to punch teachers) they make my job just that little bit irksome. In the main their problem is that they have boys who lie. Constantly. And despite being shown evidence by previous teachers for the past two years continually believe their sons’ lies and constantly mug themselves off by storming in spouting utter bollocks on their dear angels’ behalf. This is what I had last week:

Mum 1: Came in all a-fluster as her son had claimed the previous evening that his end of term maths assessment was impossible to do as “Mr.Chipz hasn’t taught us any of it”, meaning basically that I’ve not taught them a single calculation or shown them any maths of a similar nature all year. I took her into the classroom and showed her his paper. Almost all his answers were correct, and in fact the questions were specially chosen as they were precisely what I’d been teaching them this term. Her reaction: pat his head and wonder aloud why ‘the poor boy’ had told her that. Checked with last teacher; yes, he does that all the time and mother always pats him on the head afterwards. Twat.

Mum 2: When told by myself that her son had got his knob out while changing for PE and waggled it at the class looked shocked and said she’d talk to him about it. (it was no big deal really, six year old boys do things like that from time to time, I was one myself so know the comedy value of it…you only tell them off to try to get them out of the habit, it stops being funny if they’re still doing it when they’re adults) She came in the next morning, he’d claimed at home, despite his admission of guilt to me, that it had ‘popped out of his shorts by accident’. I bollocked him for lying in front of her and she tried to make a futile defence and gave up when he admitted he had in fact waggled his knob at the class. Her reaction; give him a kiss and tell him to have a good day. The next day the same boy took it upon himself to call a passing stranger during playtime a “fat mongrel”. Mother claimed ‘it was totally out of character’. It’s not, I’ve got records of him doing this sort of thing going back two years. I wonder where he gets it from…oh yes, seen his mother grab another woman by the throat with him watching and heard her screaming abuse at various women and their children. My action: will book in a policemen to give a ‘stranger danger’ talk and make him sit at the copper’s feet. One bonus of his vibrant upbringing is that he has a mortal fear of policemen.

Mum 3: Stormed in to demand why I confiscated her little boy’s power ranger. Explained he was playing with it during a lesson. Added that he’s always bringing in toys and I’m sick of it, as he doesn’t concentrate. She demanded why I don’t tell her these things. Reminded her of two occasions when I’d spoken to her about this and once when I’d spoken to the boy’s father. She went a bit red as she had the other muppet mums in support and now looked a bit of a tit in front of them. Then told her I’d gone and lost the toy. She gave up. Twat.

Mum 4: Asked me what she should do about her brat of a daughter (the only naughty girl in my class, face of an angel but really a very poisonous girl indeed) as she’s constantly misbehaving at home. Told her I wouldn’t have a clue, as I don’t have children of my own. She then asked me if I could tell her daughter to do what mum says at home. Twat. Do your own parenting. (seen her parenting in action; she slags off the school, other parents and, in fact, everyone and everything in front of her daughter. No wonder she’s a horrid little girl).

Honestly, some of these women; absolute pillocks.