From the mouths of babes.

 Some of the things I’ve heard quite recently from a bunch of eight year olds…

(during a history lesson) “Were you evacuated during the war?”

(after some children started giggling after finding the word ‘sex’ in a dictionary) “sex isn’t that funny actually. My mum and dad keep doing it all the time…”

(after Mr Chipz revealed he spent some of his childhood living in Berlin) “Did you meet Hitler? Was he nice?”

(after drawing the world trade centre on fire with all people falling out) “that’s the best thing that ever happened on the news. Ever.”  (gulp)

“I’m more cleverer than all you girls coz I’m a boy an’ you’re just all girls” (bold statement by Somali boy, with Gumpish intelligence. Girls fall off chairs laughing. Mr Chipz tries not to laugh too)

“Mr Chipz, I’ve banged my penis on the table and now it hurts”. (well it would, wouldn’t it)

“Sorry I didn’t come in yesterday, but my mum had an I.B.S (irritable bowel syndrome) attack and couldn’t hold on long enough to drive” (vomits silently)

Child: “I saw a fight outside my flat yesterday Mr Chipz!”

Mr.C: “Oh dear Stephen, I hope it wasn’t too nasty!”

Child: “Yeah it was wicked, this bald guy called this young guy sumfink I dunno what but I fink it was the ‘c’ word and so the young guy hit him with a hammer.”

Mr.C: “Oh. That’s horrible. Did the police come? Was the man alright?”

Child: “I dunno, he fell over and he had blood all over his face. I went and played football so I dunno what happened afterwards”

Mr.C: “Riiiight…time for maths everybody!”

“Hey Mr.Chipz. My brother got shot at yesterday in Croydon!”

(shouted across school field in residential area) “Mr Chipz! I need to go toilet!! Can I go inside?!” (moment’s pause) “It’s for a poo!!!”

Mr.C to weeping girl: “What’s the matter?”

Girl: “Kiesha said sumfink nasty to me.”

Mr.C: “I thought Kiesha was your best friend, what did she say? Can’t have been that bad.”

Girl: “she called me a fat ugly bitch.”

Mr.C: “Oh.”